Up on the Soapbox

Remember the Ol' Positive Adoption Language song and dance I did before Pie came home? Well, here we go again....


1. As in the case of race or gender, the fact a person was adopted should be mentioned only if it’s absolutely essential to the story. (Remember that in most cases it is NOT! It really is no one's business.)

A child who joined the family through adoption is -- and should be described as -- simply a child. If it’s necessary to mention adoption, we suggest phrasing such as: “She/he was adopted in 2009” rather than “she/he is adopted.”
Adoption is one of many events in a person’s life, not an immutable personal trait.

2. An adopted person’s family (those who are raising the child) should be referred to simply as father, mother, sister, brother, grandma, grandpa, aunt, uncle, cousins.

The man and woman who shared in the child’s conception can be referred to as the birth, genetic or biological parents (not “real” or “natural” parents, etc.).

3. It usually is inaccurate to refer to children available for adoption as orphans.

Often, the birth parents are alive. These children also shouldn’t be referred to as unwanted. Sociological or legal factors often force birth parents to relinquish their parental rights and make a child available for adoption -- which is very different from abandoning them or “giving them up.” In the interest of accuracy, birth parents can be said to have placed the child for adoption, made an adoption plan, made them available for adoption, or transferred parental rights.

4. The reason why people adopt is not usually relevant to any story.

Infertility often plays a role, but so do other factors. Many adopt simply because this is a joyful way to make a family. Language suggesting parents “couldn’t have a baby of their own” is inaccurate. These children are OUR OWN by law and by love. Such language suggests adoption is second best, and that can be hurtful. Also, the phrase “a child of their own” is an inappropriate reference to birth children.

5. Stories should never imply that adoptive parents are unusually selfless or otherwise saintly.

We adopted simply because we want to parent children. We are no more saintly or selfless than any other parent. We make mistakes, love our children and laugh at our craziness just like any other parents.

What we say and the words we use, communicate a lot about our values. The conscious and consistent use of positive adoption language affirms that adoption is as valid a way to build a family as birth.


Thank you. I'll step down now. :)